Leaving one’s home is never easy. Be it for a residence for the elderly or for a smaller apartment, leaving one’s home, leaves a scar. It’s an ordeal that leads to mourning (mourning of one’s home).
We can experience sadness, be scared, and like any other mourning, it is beneficial to share one’s emotions and to not minimize what we’re going through. Without forgetting to get support if necessary and to give oneself time.
This article deals with the mourning of one’s home when we advance in age and that we need to separate ourselves from our home.
The home
The home is a refuge. It’s where we lived all sort of emotions. The home is very attached to the family and the children. It’s a lot of memories, celebrations, warmth and meals among friends. The kind of home (ex: apartment, bungalow) is secondary. It’s what we invested in the home that matters.
It’s in our home that we cook, that we wash ourselves, that we rest, that we tell stories and exchange views. We warm ourselves up, laugh, cry and dream. Because the house and its interior are not spaces that we live in a mechanical way. The gestures that we do over time, day after day, are not insignificant actions. These actions definitely forge our life experience.
Thus, we carry the house within us as it carries us within it. The house is a protective shell; she is our double. It is like an extension of the body: the walls are the human skin, the pipes and ducts represent the veins and arteries, while the beams are the skeleton.
Mourning one’s home
The disappearance of the home is like a body without a shell, a reminder of how fragile life is. The mourning of the place exceeds the material loss. It’s like getting rid of a part of oneself.
It’s a transition when the soul is weakened, unbalanced, even threatened. Hence the importance of recognizing what was, of reconstructing it through gestures, deeds, words and stories.
The rituals
As with mourning a deceased person, rituals allow you to overcome the loss, get up and start over. By taking the time to put an end to the relationship with the inhabited place, we leave without heaviness or regrets. We can better turn to a new story. Rituals can accompany the move. They are very intimate and often occur with family or close friends. It can be:
- Do honor to your home one last time (write to the home as if it was a loved one, organize a last dinner, and relive the warmth of the fireplace for the last time, tell a pleasant or important moment lived in the home).
- Perform actions that detach (say "goodbye" verbally to one's house, perform a farewell ceremony).
- Keep the memories (keep pictures, trinkets, letters, travel items, etc.).
- Revisit places through the imagination.
Return to the premises of the home. Find a balance between the desire for reunion and the control of one’s nostalgia. One has to expect to see changes and work being done by the new occupants. For others, it would be preferable to close the door, look elsewhere and do not come around the house.
We can also be imaginative in our rituals:
- Leave a sign (ex. initials on a tree).
- Take care of the house for the future owners.
- Take something with oneself (ex. take a plant and replant it in the new home).
- Create something about the house (ex. poem, story, song, drawing, painting, etc.).
The new place
Even though the 'death' of the house leaves us in mourning for a part of ourselves, it does not represent an end. The home dies, but the body, as long as it leaves, goes into the new home.
Moving to a residence for the elderly or to a smaller apartment is a new step. A restart of the story. It’s a bit like launching into a void.
A void that can lead to a loss of balance and sense of direction. You have to adapt to changes: the height of the stairs, the way doors and windows open, visual cues, etc.
It’s also the time to ask ourselves if we bring this or that object in our new life. We can be tempted to bring everything (even the objects without value or that are not used), but it would be wise to keep what would correspond to our new aspirations. It’s also the time to regroup the family and to ask if they wish to have certain objects.
To get ready to the change of residence
It is important to discuss about the transition with one’s loved ones and to ask for their physical and moral support during this period of transition.
The move should also be well planned:
- Fill the administrative documents connected with the new lease;
- Clean, repair and renovate;
- Put the house on sale or not renewing the present lease;
- Think about the next home;
- Sorting out one’s possessions (objects to keep, souvenirs to leave to the family, objects to sell or to give away, objects to throw);
- Do the boxes;
- Fix and decorate our next home with colors that reflect our personality;
- Take time to rest (to give ourselves the time to get used to our new place);
- Do changes of addresses.
In conclusion
Leaving our home when we get older is more than a material loss. It’s losing a part of ourselves. For certain people, it’s a real psychological shock.
To mourn our home, we definitely need to be resilient. This means sharing our emotions, searching for support around us, doing rituals, finding ways to adapt to changes and planning well our move.
It’s precisely our resilience that will allow us to bounce back, to resume our journey and to appropriate a new place.
In fact, although we have left our home physically, it can also be heartwarming to think that our home will always remain inside us.
If you liked this article, do not forget to comment.
Cet article ma touche profondément car ma mère est rendue là. Malgré elle c’est ça le plus difficile.
Je compatis avec toi. C’est une épreuve difficile, surtout quand on doit quitter notre maison malgré nous. Partager son ressenti, aller chercher du soutien, s’adonner à des rituels sont tous des moyens qui permettent de mettre un baume sur la cicatrice.
Article très émouvant. Je l’ai relu 2 fois. On pourrait penser aussi à un deuil se son animal de compagnie
Merci pour votre commentaire. En effet, le deuil de son animal de compagnie est une épreuve difficile. Pour certains, le deuil de son animal est semblable au deuil d’un proche.
Hi, I don’t understand when you say: the type of impact that this could have globally? Can you clarify your thinking? Thank you!
I couldn’t resist commenting. Very well written!
Ouffff!!! Ça m a fait du bien de lire ça, je pensais que les émotions que je vis en ce moment était exagérer
Je me suis acheter un rêve ( une terre de 8 million pieds carrés avec un lac à truite et 2 maisons
Je dois mettre ma maison à vendre dans les prochains jours, j en suis incapable ça fait deux semaines que je pleure j ai l impression de perdre un gros morceau de moi même et pourtant c est un choix que j ai fais et là je n ai plus le goût de faire le grand saut c est dure….
Usually I don’t read article on blogs, but
I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a
look at and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me.
Thank you, quite great post.
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and
also the rest of the website is really good.
Hello, just wanted to tell you, I enjoyed this article. It was inspiring.
Keep on posting!
Keep on working, great job!
My spouse and I stumbled over here different web page and thought I may as well check things out.
I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to finding out about your web page again.
Hello, I would like to subscribe for this website to obtain most recent updates,
so where can i do it please help.
Hi,
At the bottom of the home page, you go to Stay informed of upcoming articles. Then you enter your Email and press subscribe.
Thank you for any other fantastic article. Where else may just anyone get that kind of info in such a
perfect manner of writing? I have a presentation next week,
and I’m at the look for such info.
Awesome post.
Merci pour cet article qui fait du bien. Merci pour les conseils. Après le départ de nos enfants, notre maison centenaire est devenue trop grande et elle monopolise beaucoup de temps et d’argent en entretien et rénovation. La mettre en vente pour réduire nos tâches et avoir plus de liberté a été une décision réfléchie plusieurs mois, voire années. Pourtant, au moment de faire les boîtes pour la vider, j’ai beaucoup de mal à m’en détacher. Nous n’avons pas encore notre nouveau «vrai» chez-nous, nous allons nous installer dans un joli appartement, le temps de trouver un condo qui nous convient. Peut-être qu’une fois que nous l’aurons déniché, ce sera plus facile de regarder vers l’avant. Pour le moment, j’ai bien du mal à ne pas être terriblement nostalgique et je suis suprise de la force de cette émotivité.
j’ai adorer cet article je comprends beaucoup mieux les étapes de faire son dueil veut dire..
pouvoir aider quelqu’un de tres cher ds mon coeur , pour les quelques mois a venir.
merci
Bonjour, nous sommes mon épouse (91 ans) et moi-même (85) résidents temporaires en Australie. Nous avions l’habitude de faire environ 3 mois en Australie et la même durée en Nouvelle Calédonie, lieu de notre première résidence. La Covid nous a surpris en Australie où nous sommes depuis 30 mois. Pendant cette période la santé de ma femme s’est détérioré et elle ne sent plus capable de voyager. Nous continuerons donc a demeurer en Australie. La pensée de vendre notre maison de Nouméa nous est venue mais comme elle nous a abrité pendant plus de 50 ans et qu’elle contient tant de souvenirs, nous ne savons pas comment nous en séparer. Nous avons bien des enfants sur place mais sauront-ils trier nos vrais souvenirs. D’autre part nous ne pourrons pas lui dire adieu. Nous apprécions vos recommandations tout en sachant qu’elles sont difficiles à appliquer. Quand aux soutiens de professionnels ils ne peuvent qu’être épistolaires ou téléphoniques. Cruel dilemme. Peut-être faut-il laisser du temps au temps?
Je comprends que ce soit très difficile de vous séparer d’une maison que vous avez habité pendant 50 ans. C’est un deuil qui demande du temps. Pendant ce deuil, prenez le temps de vous reposer et de faire des choses qui vous procurent du plaisir. Je vous souhaite de surmonter cette épreuve le plus sereinement possible xxx.
My brother recommended I might like this web site. He was entirely right. This post actually made my day. You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!