“I don't want children because I don't want children.”

 

- You are still young. You'll change your mind when you meet the right one.

 

"No, I don't want children and that's how it is. "

 

– Aren’t you afraid of growing old childless?

 

“Yes, I am terrified of growing old childless. I'm afraid that no one will take care of me in my old age. I'm afraid of being in an old people's home without visitors or distractions. I have a visceral fear of loneliness. And what about not surviving beyond death.

 

But is that a good reason to want to be a mom?

 

I will define the meaning of my life differently. I will write my freedom. I will do something else with my fruitful energy. »

 

The fictitious remarks above reflect a reality that is very present in Quebec. Whether by choice or because of life circumstances, one in five Quebec women will not have children at the end of her childbearing period (Institut de la statistique du Québec).

 

This article deals with the reality of these women.

 

These women often relegated to the background. And what about the aging childless woman. Spotlight on these heroines who defy fertility and the passage of time.

 

 

Childless by choice

 

The desire to have a child is not innate; it is socially constructed. Indeed, the automatic link we make between women and motherhood is extremely powerful. A woman who does not want to start a family generally raises questions. The social pressure is very strong.

 

Besides, even the word that describes a woman who has never given birth is horribly ugly: "nulliparous."

 

But at the end of the day, whether it's a hard decision or a hesitant waltz, each woman's path is unique and it is up to her alone to choose motherhood or not.

 

 

Childless by life circumstances

 

We can be childless by choice but also due to life circumstances. The most common reasons are the presence of health problems, infertility or not having found the right partner at the right time. A lack of emotional stability can also prevent the project of having a child.

 

 

If there was a basic desire for motherhood, a grieving process will be necessary in this case.

 

 

Freedom

 

Everything is not in black.

 

Not having children allows you to enjoy great freedom: “I eat when I want and I go to bed when I want. I have no accountability. And then I go out every day. »

 

"I don't fret about wondering if I'm doing the right things for my little one. I don't worry thinking about all the misfortunes that could happen to him. »

 

Thus, the aging childless woman must find in herself personal resources to write her freedom and her values. She must meet herself, listen to her true nature and ask herself what makes her happy. Like a free electron, she must deploy all her creativity to open up to others outside the family circle.

 

She dares to proclaim that happiness does not reside only in giving life. Her leitmotif is that the spark of life is everywhere.

 

The aging childless woman also has the opportunity to develop a rich inner life, for example through reading and spirituality. She is free to invest in a professional project or any other project that is difficult to combine with the constraints of family life.

 

 

Friendship

 

The older woman without children may also have more time to devote to her friendships. Not being focused on her descendants, she would be more available for her network of friends.

 

With these, she chatters, laughs, tells stories, remakes the world; she directs her maternal energy outwards.

 

The strength of her network of friends increases her intellectual acuity, her taste for knowledge and her self-esteem.

 

Friends can become like the extended family of the childless elderly woman.

 

 

In a relationship with a partner who already has children

 

The childless woman can also choose to find a partner who already has children. This allows her to express her motherhood in a different way. She can give love and support to her partner's children and receive it in return.

 

 

Surrogate grandchildren

 

Even if she has no biological grandchildren, the childless woman can be a lover of children. To claim otherwise is a tenacious cliché. Not having children does not mean that you do not have children in your life.

 

Indeed, the elderly woman without children can sometimes count on “surrogate grandchildren” who contribute to her well-being, such as nephews or nieces or even children met during sports or social activities.

 

 

“Surrogate grandchildren” would provide a sense of attachment and usefulness to the childless woman.

 

Despite the friends who are often the same age and the surrogate grandchildren who make their living, the fact remains that growing old alone is an issue.

 

 

When the childless woman has to leave her home

 

Thus, there comes a time when the aging childless woman must leave her home. Her state of health and her autonomy declining, she has to leave her house to go and live in a home for the elderly.

 

Since she has no children, it is her brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, cousins ​​or younger friends who can accompany her at this stage. Health and social services or even volunteers can also support her at this level.

 

 

The biological will of the childless woman

 

The living will is a reference document for relatives and medical staff, in the event that the person is unable to express their wishes regarding last resort care. It makes it possible to specify what the person accepts and refuses in terms of medical treatment, as well as their intentions in terms of organ donation.

 

The living will allows you to choose who, along with the attending physicians, will take care of the person and can sign the necessary authorizations for medical care at the end of life.

 

It is therefore important for the childless woman to make a living will. She will be able to choose the relative who will take care of her.

 

 

Les Petits Frères: an organization that cares for lonely seniors

 

On the other hand, if the childless woman experiences loneliness when she reaches old age, she can count on the support of various organizations. Let us mention in particular the organization Les Petits Frères.

 

The mission of this organization is to counter the isolation of seniors until the end of their lives. More than 2 000 volunteers work there to accompany seniors to parties, drive them to activities, call them, pair up with them, visit them and help them achieve their dreams.

 

 

The spiritual care worker

 

The childless woman can also have recourse to a spiritual care worker when she is at the end of her life. This worker offers her spiritual and religious support and accompaniment as well as her family and loved ones. The speaker responds to consultations on theological, spiritual or ethical matters and participates in interdisciplinary meetings. This moral support can be very beneficial if the childless woman feels lonely.

 

 

Conclusion

 

Do we absolutely have to bear a child to fulfill ourselve as a woman?

 

Of course not!

 

But it takes a lot of panache and courage to take pride in being a childless woman.

 

Whether the woman is childless by choice or because of life circumstances, she craves the same thing as a woman with children: to feel useful and valued.

 

Free, the childless woman traces her path herself. She needs to create a good support network, especially in anticipation of her old age: friends and family members younger than her, surrogate children and grandchildren.

 

The aging childless woman can also use the community network to overcome loneliness.

 

At the end of life, she can be accompanied by a spiritual care worker to help her through the ordeal of death.

 

The childless elderly woman had to deal with the pressures of motherhood. She had to face a difficult choice or accept a situation beyond her control. She must also face the pangs of old age.

 

The place of the elderly childless woman should be much more valued within society.

 

Just like the place of the childless elderly man. I will discuss in a future article the reality of these men.